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13 Best Celebrity Skin Scenes of 2008 (SFW)

by darreno on January 5th, 2009

Sometimes it’s a desperate plea to be taken seriously (Meg Ryan, “In the Cut”), sometimes it’s because you’re washed up and it’s the only way to get work (Heather Graham, “insert name of every movie she has ever done”), sometimes it’s the rite of passage of a young starlet earning her stripes, and sometimes it’s just to show off Dr. Weinstein’s excellent handiwork. Whatever the reason, we’re glad it happens. And so, without delay, here’s my awards for the 13 Best Celebrity Skin Scenes of 2008. And why. Enjoy. Oh and it is SFW.

13. Most “Jaw Dropping”: Amy Smart in “Mirrors”
I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call Smart an actress, really, given her oeuvre of Ryan Reynolds type crap. In this “jaw dropping” (if you’ve seen the movie you’ll appreciate the pun) scene, however, Smart (who came to fame in in the Tom Green gem “Road Trip”) looks pretty good without her kit. Too bad it’s ruined by such a disgusting display of gore. I can accept gore … when it’s in a good movie. Not this mind numbing pap.

12. Most debated: Alyssa Milano in “Pathology”
“Pathology” was a little seen but amusingly effective bit of a horror camp. And in true Milano post-that-witches-series-fashion she lends her weight and breasts in a cameo role. Fair enough, it’s no reprise of her “body” of work from “Embrace of the Vampire,” given that her character is dead and awaits an autopsy when her assets go on display, it’s still another display of an actress sinking low to get a role when no one else wants her. (Note: there is some online debate as to whether it is actually Milano or a dummy stand in … for the nude seen not her acting, that is).

11. Most infuriating: Penelope Cruz in “Elegy”
Back to Almodovar fashion Penelope Cruz goes the full Montesquieu in this overly arty flick. Sure, Cruz has never shied away from showing her stuff, but seeing the sexy bald beast Ben friggin’ Kinsley gropin’ on that, made me wanna ralf. Itzhak Stern from “Schindler’s List” should never (ever) be doing love scenes. It’s just not right. Period. If there needs to be a line where artists draw a line for their art, yup, this would be it.

10. Most gratuitous: Eliza Dushku in “The Alphabet Killer”
I can’t decide which is dumber: that the producers of this b-movie believed that we’d accept crappy actress Eliza Dushku as a police detective or that she thought it a wise career move to show her (quite nice) breasts in a completely gratuitous (no, not all are) tit shot. You tell me. Maybe it explains how she got an associate producer credit on this dreck.

9. Most Heather Graham in ‘08: Heather Graham in “Adrift in Manhattan”
Graham is now the go-to girl for one-time A-listers who’ll do nude for next to nothing. While that infamous DTV video flick she did with the Fiennes guy will be hard to surpass for sexiness, this one comes pretty close. Then again, her career-establishing role was as the porno star Rollergirl in “Boogie Nights.” How prescient.

8. Most waited for: Anna Paquin in “True Blood”
I sat next to Anna Paquin at a LaGuardia Airport gate for two hours one day in September 2006 (she was headed to T.O. for TIFF). Little did I know then it would be in just two years the Oscar-winner would be willing to show her stuff for a TV series. With the character name Sookie Stackhouse, Paquin probably didn’t need to be a mind reader to know a little skin would be required. Good on her.

7. Most painful to wait for: Keira Knightley in “Silk”
Like her British Isles counterpart Kate Winslet, Knightley seems to have the formula down pat: get into a period piece with accurately and ad intricately designed costumes, promptly get them off, guarantee yourself an Oscar nomination. It may not have worked for this dreary snoozer by a Canadian director who made one good movie about 15 years ago, but not every successful formula is 100% perfectly foolproof. Keep trying ladies.

6. Most redundant because we see them all the time: Kate Winslet in “The Reader”
Has Winslet ever made an Oscar-y movie without, as the Brits would say, getting her kit off? Me thinks not. “Titanic,” check. “Quills,” check. “Little Children,” check. “Holy Smoke,” check. And the list goes on. Nevertheless no instance to admire these titanic ta-tas goes overlooked, and besides, a dreary holocaust flick like this needs something to alleviate the tone, yes? And there’s nothing like nipple to do it.

5. Most ruined by nasty hair: Natalie Portman in “Hotel Chevalier”
This was an online companion piece to “The Darjeeling Limited.” And what better way to bait traffic than by promising a fully nekked Natalie Portman sequence? It worked. Too bad she has that GI Jane haircut. No matter how hard you try to imagine it otherwise man cuts on babes always ruin perfectly good nude scenes. She used a blonde wig in “Closer,” couldn’t she have humoured us this time out?

4. Most career humiliating: Neve Campbell in “I Really Hate My Job”
Back in the “Party of Five days I thought she was hot. Then she did that ridiculous James Toback tit-flick masquerading as art (like all of his pretentious crap), and I lost my appetite (and lunch) for her. Remember when she was the next “It” girl on the cover of Time? That feels about as long ago as web sites using horizontal scrolling. Anyhow, her career hit another all time low this year in this dismal wreck that sees her (and us her) topless in a restaurant full of unsuspecting onlookers. The poor souls just paid for a very good lunch that they’re undoubtedly about to loose.

3. Most Forn-shadowing: Laura Ramsey in “The Ruins”
Probably my favorite horror movie from 2008 (if you haven’t seen it, the leg amputating scene for gore aficionados is a must live through) stars Laura Ramsey from “The Real Cancun” and in it gives a nice bit of forn-shadowing (I made that up, yes, but in horror movies it’s always the girl who either a) fornicates or b) shows breast early on that usually bites it first: hence the portmanteau of fornicating and foreshadowing) at the 17 minute mark.

2. Most desperate attempt by Septuagenarian director to see some Orange County skin: Mischa Barton in “Closing the Ring”
Richard Attenborough the legendary lenser has a number of proud career achievements on his C.V.: he directed the celebrated ’82 Oscar winner Ghandi,” he duped Peirce Brosnan into going “full Indian” and humiliating himself in “Grey Owl,” and he got “O.C” star Micha Barton to go full nude in “Closing the Ring” in 2008. Thankfully it wasn’t costar Shirley MacLaine that geared down … I don’t care which of her many lives the aged coot is in - I never, ever, want to see her naked. w00t Attenborough.

1. Most, bestest: Marisa Tomei in “The Wrestler”
To be frank, at 44, Tomei seems to be like wine, the more vintage it gets the better it looks. Showcasing a much better bod than the one buried under those early ‘90s floral stretch pants in “My Cousin Vinny,” Tomei’s “Wrestler” role has us captivated. And as amazing as Mickey Rourke’s performance as “the used up piece of meat” in “The Wrestler” may be, it’s Tomei’s giving it all for the camera that has (likely male) audiences standing and cheering.

Interestingly enough, after the Supporting Actress Oscar curse sent her to the silver screen sidelines for a decade, in this role as a mostly naked stripper and in last year’s equally-nudeworthy “Before the Devil Knows Your Dead” has brought her back to the fore. To be honest, simulating doggy with Seymour Hoffman is worthy of an award unto itself. Yuck. It may not have worked for Meg Ryan who went in the buff for “In the Cut,” but sometimes older actresses just need to show some rack to get their careers back on track. No one ever said Tinseltown was fair.

Special Mention: While not a nude scene by any means, a special jury prize goes to the increasingly hot Hilary Duff for making dropping a live scorpion in her pants in “War Inc.” one of the hottest movie moments of 2008.

Tags: Celebrity Skin

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